Pictures and thoughts from a Memphis Musician's Wife

Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Friendships build the best relationships: My Prince Charming

My husband and I met on Beale Street in October of 2010. I was just coming back to town from South Carolina to basically start my life over. I went down to Beale to hang out because I needed the music and wanted to try to look for a job. I met Jeremy in passing and thought he was a drummer for a long time. That was until the day we really met each other.

On October 24, 2010, I was on Beale Street to meet some guy for a lunch date. He stood me up because it was raining. I was standing in Handy Park when Jeremy came walking through, soaked. I called out his name, and he hugged me when he walked over. He didn’t say much. He walked me over to the wall at the front of the park, and we just started talking. He held me close to him, letting me talk away. People would walk up to us and tell us how cute we were together. We weren’t even a “couple” yet. LOL. That day, we spent hours talking to each other, walking on the river, talking more. I felt like I could trust him with anything, my deepest darkest secrets. He didn’t judge me. He just smiled, held my hand tighter, pulled me closer, and would kiss me gently from time to time. It was like something out of a movie. Around 4 am, we ended up at Denny’s. We ate breakfast, and Jeremy asked me how I was getting home. I had no car at the time, and I was going to have to wait another two hours for the bus. I asked him to walk me to the bus terminal, but he refused. He wasn’t going to leave me alone at the terminal for hours. He caught a cab and took me to his house.

Jeremy was living with his mom at the time, and we snuck into the house. We spent the next day together on Beale. And the next. We couldn’t leave each other. We got our own place, continuing to build on our friendship and relationship. It was different than any relationship I’d been in. We trusted each other. We loved each other. We appreciated each other. I could tell him anything about me, and he refused to judge me. Within a few weeks, we knew our connection was permanent. We were meant for each other. He was the one who suggested that we get married.

11 months to the day after we started dating, we were married. September 24, 2011. No, our relationship has not been all peaches and cream, but I can’t imagine my life without my husband, my best friend, my lover, my partner, my business partner. Our lives are together, which is something you don’t find in most relationships today. I am truly blessed to have found my true Prince Charming, Jeremy Powell.

Florida Road Trip: Part 2 Getting to Florida

So, from the pictures you can see that the ride through Arkansas, Louisiana, and into Mississippi was pretty smooth. I made good time, got to see a beautiful sunrise over huge crops of corn and peppers, and Jeremy got some rest in. Soon after we got into Mississippi, we were going to have to stop for gas and switch out driving.

As I was pulling off the road to refill on gas, I heard a clanking noise. We were right by a construction site, so I thought it was all of the machinery until I rolled my window down and heard the noise was coming from under my hood. Jeremy thought the oil was low, so he added a little in, overfilling it enough to make my car start smoking on top of everything. We were now riding down Highway 49 in Richland, MS with a smoking, rattling car. We pulled off on a small country road, thinking we would just empty a little of the oil out. Of course, we didn’t have a wrench to undo the oil plug and let some of the oil drain off. After 5 or 6 cars passed by, asking us did we need a phone or any help, an older black gentleman in an old truck pulling a trailer of tree limbs drove up. He looked like one of those old men you see in the pictures drinking moonshine and playing his guitar to his dog, and he had almost no voice to speak. Jeremy asked him if he had a wrench, and he just happened too. He pulled his truck off to the side of the road, and while Jeremy let the oil drain into a bottle, the old man directed traffic, waving at everyone as they drove by. It was like a scene out of a movie. He walked over and warned Jeremy not to let too much oil out because he was on a hill. As he was walking off, I hear Jeremy scream. The oil plug slipped all the way out, and all of the oil was leaking out now. All I can do at this point is grab every bottle we have laying in the car and try to salvage as much oil as possible. Jeremy got the plug back on the oil tank, and I carefully put all of the oil we had (about 1 qt.) back in the car. The old man told us how to get to the nearest gas station, and followed us to the main road. The car stopped smoking, but it was still making that horrible noise. On top of that, I noticed that one of my belts was almost shredded to pieces.

I looked up the nearest AutoZone, which was a mere 4 miles away. I turned and headed down the highway, but we ran into an O’Reilly Auto Parts first, so I stopped there, thinking that they would probably be helpful. I got the oil, and walked up to the counter to wait on Jeremy. Once the guys figured out which belt I needed to replace, Jeremy and the customer rep came back in to finish ringing us up. We needed a new power steering belt, which we got, but the worker told us he didn’t know how to put it on. Just my luck, right? He referred us to his coworker, who came and took a look under the hood. He told us that he didn’t have the tool to remove the bolt and replace the power steering belt, and with a closer look he showed us why our car was clanking: the top ac pulley bolt fell off. The pulley and belt fell off, as well. The pulley got lodged between the power steering and the bottom ac pulley, and the guy said he didn’t know what to do. He sent us up the road to a mechanic, not knowing if the mechanic would be open since it was Saturday. I am really spoiled living in a city where mechanics are readily available any day of the week.

We drove on up the road, clanking as we rode the speed limit. We pulled into the mechanic’s and, of course, they were closed. Jeremy popped the hood, determined to get the pulley out. With a few strategic moves with a crow bar, we finally dislodged the pulley. The noise stopped, and we headed to AutoZone, hoping the shredded power steering belt would make it.

We pulled into AutoZone and asked for a tool that we could use to change the power steering belt. The gentleman inside was much more helpful than the guys at AutoZone. He told us how to change the belt and informed us that the ac belt was what was missing. So, now we were going to be without ac all the way to Florida, and we were almost 5 hours out with 5 hours to make it to the gig. Off down Highway 49 we went, on the way to Florida, praying we would make it on time.

Hard Times

Sometimes in life, you have those moments when you think you will never be able to be happy like you dreamed. That has happened a few times, but it hit me the hardest when I found out that my pregnancy with my husband was ectopic. For those of you who don’t know, this seems to be a common problem, but this was the second time this happened to me. The first time, I knew I was not ready for a baby and honestly couldn’t see myself stuck to the man I was with for the rest of my life. It was hard, but I was able to accept it. I had my left fallopian tube removed and was told that I could have children, but I would have to be very careful because the risk of another ectopic was high. Unfortunately, this was said to be caused by a disease my boyfriend gave to me after he cheated on me. Even though I had been treated for and was clear of the disease, it still caused me to have my first ectopic pregnancy in 2005. 

My husband and I never really planned to get pregnant. Since 2005, I had not even had a hint of being able to get pregnant. After being with my husband two years and being married one, we got pregnant. On Valentine’s Day 2013, it was confirmed. We rejoiced and prayed for a safe pregnancy. I remember asking God to please let this be real and healthy. Well, a week after I found out I was pregnant, I began bleeding. This was scary for me because it was how my last ectopic pregnancy started. I hoped that the bleeding would stop. There was no physical pain, but the bleeding was steady. So, about two weeks later, I went to the ER. Of course, they did an ultrasound and did some more tests. They determined that, once again, my pregnancy was ectopic. Sitting with my husband in the ER, we were faced with a choice: take Chemo and try to kill the cells and save my last tube or just have the tube removed, taking away all my chances to conceive naturally. We made the choice to have the tube removed. That still gave us the option to do in vitro fertilization one day. 

The hardest part of all of this is watching three of my sister in laws and several friends have babies this year. Two of those friends made me godmother to their little baby girls. I almost hate to see the happiness of all of them with their new babies, knowing that the only way for us to have one is through some scientific process that doesn’t always work. I try to console myself, convincing myself we weren’t ready for a baby yet, but it is still hard an sad. 

The scars remind me daily of my mistakes and the decisions I made in the past that have affected me adversely in the future. They say you should learn lessons from your mistakes, but what lesson is this to learn? I am now married and can’t provide my husband with a child. Is that not the purpose of sex? To procreate and raise your children to love and respect God? It sucks that something so pleasurable can cause so much mental pain. I am almost jaded to sex now. But this too shall pass. Everything eventually does. Not sure what to do about this. Maybe someone can help.

The Road

The Road can be a hard thing to deal with. Being away from your husband for any extended length of time can be difficult, but it is even harder when you work together and spend pretty much all of your time together.

When I started dating Jeremy, he performed every day. I can hardly remember one off day (they are still few and far between). I’d just moved back home, leaving a bad situation to start all over again. We spent every moment we had together. I learned quickly how to set his equipment up, not that it was very hard (he had a 63 key keyboard then). As I attended more and more of his gigs, I kind of took on the role of band mom. I would play the role of waitress, merch sales lady, sound tech, roadie, and so much more. I did this everywhere I went with Jeremy, and with every band, as he played with several. We didn’t have a car, so we were limited to riding on the bus with his equipment, sometimes having to walk home if we could not get a ride or have money for a cab home. Fortunately, we lived only 2 miles from Beale Street. This went on for about two years, with Jeremy eventually graduating to an 88 key keyboard. Needless to say, our bond became very tight. We were best friends, marriage partners, business partners, and parents. We still are.

Things changed, though. We were blessed with a vehicle, which opened us up to being able to play with different and better bands. They travel. They actually guarantee a pay (lol). Jeremy was blessed with much better equipment, which of course is heavier and more difficult to move. So, I am still there (as long as “Mommy” duty doesn’t require me to be away). It feels so awkward when I am not there. He has gone on the road, for the second time (only a two day trip), with a band that I very actively assist when I am around them. However, I was not invited on either of their road trips, which is understandable. (I don’t want anyone too take this as me being hurt or mad or anything about me not going on the road with them.) Some people like to tell me to get a life, that my life should not revolve around my husband and my family. Well, what else should it consist of? My husband is a performer. I am a business manager and promotions and marketing specialist. We work together. Our finances are one. Our business is one. Our lives are one. That’s just us. So, when we are apart, it is like a piece of me is missing. I don’t hear music the same when I don’t hear him. The road is lonely for both of us. True enough, I get time to myself and to take care of business I probably would not get done when he is here. I get to go to picnics with old friends and spend some time with family I don’t always get to see. I like it, but it is hard and makes me feel like I am living a dream when he is here. I am glad I get to go on the next road trip with him, but I won’t be happy when the time comes for him to be gone for long periods of time. I just hope that by then we can actually travel together as a family. Image

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